Have You Killed Desire?
The Turning Feral Journal - Day 51
Day 51: Someone recently asked me about my pursuit of trying to live in such an isolated town. Why pursue such an off-the-beaten-path lifestyle when you had everything you could have asked for in the city you were living in, they asked? The answer to this question was simple. My suburban life before was devoid of passion and only consumed by duty.
My duty to pay the bills, acquire more things, cut the grass so the HOA didn’t hound me, and to check boxes for things my heart didn’t desire – and I was done with it. I was not passionate about any of those things, and I had convinced myself for so long that my heart wasn’t hungry for more… If someone asked if I was in need of anything, my answer would always be, “No, I don’t need anything I am covered.” Yet, if someone had followed that up with, “Are you fulfilled?” I would have been a liar with any answer other than a resounding, “No.”
That lack of passion and desire is at the root of so much hurt and pain for young men and women today. People have given up what their heart is calling them to, often at the advice of people they admire. Folks tell you that your dreams aren’t realistic… Don’t follow you dream to be an actor, don’t pursue that startup idea, or don’t decide to move to the middle of nowhere… don’t, don’t, don’t is what we are confronted with day in and day out by people who love, care, and want the best for us. Yet, these well-intended pleadings to take the safe path in life are also the same pleadings that lead us down a path of fruitlessness and depression – living a sterile version of the bountiful life that we could have led. John Eldridge, in his book “The Journey of Desire” sums it up well in this line:
“You cannot help someone who doesn’t want a thing. All his life [insert your name] was a good boy. A gelding. And geldings, though they are nicer and much more well behaved than stallions, do not bring life. They are sterile.”
So, why did I move to the most isolated town in the U.S. to pursue trapping and hunting, something I had no experience doing? I did it because I had a flicker in my heart and a desire to try a different path – one fraught with risk and uncertainty. Because I knew that if I continued to live the same dutiful and predictable life that I had before, I was relenting myself to being a gelding… Open and willingly walking into the sterilization chamber to forever be “nicer and well behaved.”
Don’t turn your back on desire.
Daily Prompt: What do you desire? What’s holding you back from pursuing it? Fear? Duty? Something else? Write your thoughts down here:
Motivational Passage:
“The danger is not lest the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but lest, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry.”
-Simone Weil
Rewilding Action: One of the keys to living affectively in a remote place is your own health. We have covered medical kits and the benefits of eating wild game, but we have not touched on supplements. Often times when providing or growing your own food, there are times of the year where you will lack the variety you may be able to access in a big city year round. So, it becomes important to supplement your bodies needs with vitamins. I have no medical advice or brand-specific suggestions here, but I do try to stick to a course of taking vitamins year round. It would take too long to list them all out, but understanding what your self-sustained diet provides and were it is lacking is an important exercise to consider as you start your Turning Feral journey.