What the F*ck am I Doing Here?
The Turning Feral Journal - Day 37
Day 37 - What the f*ck am I doing here? That’s a question I was asking myself way too much before I chose to go westward. I was constantly sitting in traffic, standing in long lines at the airport, sleeping in uncomfortable hotel beds, and was always surrounded by hoards of people I did not know. Despite the discomfort, I constantly ignored the deep rooted question in my gut asking, “Is this what life is about?”
Why did I ignore it? Well, that metro-lifestyle is what I had been coached to attain. I was told to outsource everything difficult and focus only on acquiring more ‘things’ because those ‘things’ would ultimately bring me happiness. But, that was all a lie. The only thing that lifestyle brought was a sense of emptiness and an existential dread knowing that I had outsourced so much of my life that if a single pebble dropped in my glass house, it would all come shattering down around me.
And believe me, it did eventually shatter.
Once it did, I was left with all of the shards around me and I could see that my foundation had been built on nothing. I was not resourceful, I couldn’t fend for myself, and I did not have control over my environment. At that point, I knew I needed to change. No longer would I ignore that inner question of ‘What the f*ck am I doing here?’ Instead I decided to chase a life where I never had to ask that question again. I spoke at length about this in a podcast with my buddy Jim Huntsman, who had asked himself the same question:
Daily Prompt: Have you ever questioned yourself on why you are doing something? How did you answer? Did you ignore it the same way I did? If so, take time now to answer that question truthfully… Are you where you want to be?:
Motivational Passage:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
– Alexander Graham Bell
Rewilding Action: It was bound to happen eventually… Let's talk about sourdough. Now to be fair, I know jack-diddly about sourdough other than I love eating it when my wife makes it — especially sourdough cinnamon rolls. But, I do know that getting and caring for a starter is something you can do no matter where you live even if you haven’t been handed one by your mother or grandmother (yes, there used to be generational sourdough starters). Some quick googling and placing an order of Breadtopia’s starter should be able to get you off and running making your own, less-gluten and sugar laden bread!